Good Moods, Bad Moods

Yesterday would have been my mom's 82nd birthday. She passed away suddenly last year on May 1st. As I was looking at Facebook today I saw that several people had posted on her timeline to wish her a happy birthday. I had the feeling that they didn't know she was gone. That of course got me thinking!

Last night I was reading my Inner Compass book (written my Margaret Silf). The chapter had to do with sorting out our "moods." One set of moods goes along with the general human condition: good moods and bad moods. The other set of "moods' is really your spiritual barometer and stems from whether or not you are moving closer to or away from God. The premise is that through careful prayer and reflection a person can see how to steer their course in the right direction, no matter the obstacles in front of them. Ever forward right? 

How does this relate to my mom dying and those birthday wishes on Facebook? In her book, Silf suggests a nightly examination; a kind of reflective prayer. One of the ideas is to think about not only how God might have been present in your life that day but also how you may have brought the presence of God into someone else's life as well. This can be done in one way by sharing some part of yourself with another person. I considered that the people wishing my mom a happy birthday were doing just that. They were trying to share themselves with my mom on her special day; to be closer to her (and in my mind and in my belief system thereby bringing themselves closer to God.) I also thought that it was a shame that those well wishers seemed not to know that she was gone. (It should be noted that there was no service for my mom when she died. She and my dad wished for that.)  There is obviously a missed opportunity here. How often do you try and share yourself with someone else? To share the true and honest and best parts of yourself? It really made me think that this sharing should be as often as possible and in whatever way was necessary. An active and concerted effort. 

As for the birthday wishes on Facebook I can only say that if there is someone you want to talk with why not get up and do it right now if you can?
Libby

May Her Memory Be a Blessing

Bridge Over Putah Creek-Davis, CA

May 1st marked the one year anniversary of the passing of my mom. The past year has been challenging. Those challenges mostly have to do with what is left after the event, things such as my dad, my memories, and how to go forward without someone's direct presence. 

In a previous post I mentioned being Jewish. Judaism is a wonderful religion from my standpoint. It both answers and poses many great questions about life, spirituality, and belief that I find in many cases to be personally tailored to my way of thinking. But because I didn't grow up with it, the rituals and precepts aren't always helpful to me. I find that observing and applying those rituals doesn't come naturally for me and oftentimes I fail to grasp their importance.

Such is the case of the sanctification of the every day. Many Jews recite ritual blessings prior to and during common acts such as eating, drinking wine, reciting a particular prayer or even getting on an airplane! The idea I think is to be mindful of yourself and of God's role in what you are about to do or enjoy. You want to be thankful really. The rituals and prayers also give structure to things that oftentimes have no structure such as death, disaster, and other negative events. They also celebrate miracles, bounty and joy. Blessing the every day is a wonderful habit even for those with no particular religious affiliation or feelings.

Maybe sharing this particular ritual will be helpful. It involves speaking about the deceased. It's common practice to add an epithet of sorts after speaking a deceased person's name. As an example, if your sister Mary had died, you might say something like, "I remember my sister Mary, may her memory be a blessing.  She used to do such-and-such when she went outside." It's a way to continually honor the life and memory of a loved one. It's also an important aspect of healing and resolution particularly if those things are difficult to find.

As I reflected on my day yesterday and thought about my mom, I realized why that particular ritual mentioned above can be so helpful. Simply adding those words when speaking a person's name erases any hurt and anger that you could still be harboring towards that person. It reduces things down to something so simple: may that person's memory be a blessing (and not a burden or source of pain). There is benefit in ritual but it isn't always obvious.

Libby